Parenting humor: Jack and the jellybean stalk

Jack and the jellybean stalk

I am in trouble with my wife Katherine again. I became a tad too exhuberant when I prepared dessert for our son Jack, 4, the other week.

Katherine had to go away on a study trip and left me in charge.

"Make sure you give Jack nutritionally balanced meals," she had said.

Well, I can report that on Day 1 the main course was full of nutrition. I baked some fish, made mashed potatoes, corn and peas.

"If you eat that up, I will let you have some dessert," I foolishly told Jack, as I placed his plate on the table on the patio outside.

"Goody. What can I have?" Jack said.

"I don't know. What would you like?" I said.

"Smarties."

"Smarties!" I said. "You don't have Smarties for dessert."

"But I want Smarties," Jack said. "Mummy lets me have Smarties."

"Does she? Well, eat up and I'll see."

I did know Katherine had Smarties somewhere for use as very special treats. Maybe she slipped them into desserts too.
But where were they?
I decided to proceed anyway.

I cannot say that what I prepared for Jack's dessert was nutritionally balanced. But it was the kind of thing I would have loved at his age; still do, in fact. And it was balanced, precariously so. I started by piling some ice-cream in a bowl. Then I added some red jelly. I sprinkled that with hundreds and thousands and plunged a chocolate wedge into the ice-cream. It still looked more desert than dessert so I added a piece of apple pie I found in the fridge and some little fruit things rolled in coconut I found in the pantry.

Mmm, now where were those smarties to put on top?

"What are these?" I wondered as I took a jar out of the cupboard and opened it.
"Jellybeans! They'll do."

I placed six jellybeans around the top of my creation: a blue one, a yellow one, a green one, a yellow one, a pink one and a red one.

"Ta dah," I said as I delivered the dessert to Jack.

You should have seen his eyes!

"You're going to get into big trouble, daddy," Jack said. "Mummy won't be happy with you."

But he ate it, and in quick time too.

I know this because I went back inside to clean up and when I came out it was all gone.

"That was yummy," Jack said. "Daddy, will you make that for me again?"

"I thought you said mummy wouldn't like you eating it!" I said.

"Yes," he said. "But I won't get into trouble because I didn't make it, and I'm only little."

I really thought that was the end of it.
Katherine would never really know because Jack had eaten the evidence.

Or had he?

While I was inside, I have since found out, Jack took his green jellybean and planted it in the vegetable garden.

Katherine grows all kinds of things there and Jack knows that with a bit of water and tender loving care things grow bountifully.
I am sure that he thinks his green jellybean will grow into a great big jellybean tree.

One part of me thinks it's funny.

Another part of me is dead scared that Katherine will find out what I did.

What if the jellybean tree does grow? Jack was right. Katherine wouldn't be happy. How would I explain?

I can't help thinking about the classic fairy tale, Jack and the Beanstalk.

In it, a little boy named Jack swapped his mother's cow for some allegedly magic beans.

His mother was not happy.

"What!" she said. "How will we survive? These beans are worthless."

Not so. Jack planted them and overnight they grew into a giant beanstalk stretching up to the giant's castle in the sky.

Uh oh, I have to run. Literally.

I hear thunderous footsteps and someone in a rage:

"Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum,
I smell the blood of an errant husband,
Be he alive or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

©October 31, 2000 John Martin. All Rights Reserved

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