Humor: I am an empty shell of a guy

I am an empty shell of a guy

My wife Katherine really picked her time to drop a HUGE accusation on me.

She choose our fifth wedding anniversary!

I remember it like it was just the other day.
That's because it was just the other day.

We had been out shopping for seafood for a celebratory dinner.
A bottle of champagne was already chilling in the fridge and I was full of gooey love and happy reminiscences.

I guess my defences were down and I was at my most vulnerable.

We were stooped over the boot of our car in the car park and I grabbed a shopping bag from the cart to load it.

"DON'T THROW THAT IN THERE," Katherine cried. "Those are eggs."

"I wasn't going to just throw it in there," I countered. "I was going to gently stack it like I always do."

"Hmmmmph," said Katherine. "You NEVER stack them gently."

"Now look here," I said. "I resent that. I am very careful with eggs. In five years of marriage I can recall breaking just one egg. One single, solitary on-its-lonesome egg."

"That's not true," said Katherine. "You've broken lots of eggs. I've just never had the heart to tell you before."

She had kept it a secret from me! All this time? And dropped it on me on our anniversary!

Married couples aren't supposed to have ANY secrets from each other, are they? Especially secrets about eggs.

Goodness, I've read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
Granted, I recall no mention of eggs in that. But I have always prided myself as being a Sensitive New Age Super Careful When Handling Eggs Guy.

I have no idea where I go from here.
Should I seek help from an egg-board counsellor?

Where did it all go wrong?
It seems like only yesterday that I met Katherine and we had all our lives and omelettes ahead of us. Actually it was 1980 in London. We were just two young Australians passing out after a night at the pub then. We did not actually get married until 1995 when we were older, more sensible, sober and our lives converged again.

We had a white wedding.

Well, there was snow anyway.
Lots of it.

We hired a marriage celebrant and exchanged vows on the back balcony of a unit at the Cradle Mountain Lodge in Tasmania.

If you want proof that we signed the heart gif marriage registry inside, click here.

I want to make it very clear that Katherine never promised to obey me and I never promised not to accidentally break the occasional egg.

We did not tell anyone we were getting married.
Not Katherine's family, not mine, not even the rock wallabies that gathered in the snow for food outside our unit door.
We did not even know our two witnesses until minutes before we tied the knot. They worked at the lodge, and we roped them in at short notice.

In hindsight, I realise that we may have made the wrong choice.
Perhaps we should have invited all the rellies.
Perhaps we should have been married before God in a church.
Perhaps we should have had witnesses who actually knew us.

Our marriage is based on little more than secrecy.

Why else would Katherine conceal the broken eggs from me?

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it