Humor: Public liability issue cuts

Public liability issue cuts
deep for us chess players

My friend Orville has tried to bring a halt to our weekly games of chess because he says we cannot afford escalating premiums for public liability insurance.

"Why do we need public liability insurance?" I asked him in amazement.

"In case somebody gets hurt," he said.

"One of us?" I asked, incredulously.

"Or someone in the crowd," Orville said. "What happens if you hurl your king across the room, in resignation, and scone someone. We could be up for a lot of money."

Good point. The weakness in this argument is that chess struggles to pull in a decent crowd, especially in my lounge-room where Orville and I usually play.
I know some people want to make it an Olympic sport but I am not among them.
With my failing eyesight, I do not know how I would see the board from 324 rows back in the vast Olympic stadium.
Chess authorities have introduced drug testing of players to appease the International Olympic Federation but the truth is they do not quite know what kind of drug would assist chess players. Anabolic steroids? Human Growth Hormone? Extra strong peppermints?

I taught myself to play chess, from a book, when I was 12 or 13. Unfortunately, the book was not about chess.

When I was 16, I made up the numbers in the Australian junior chess championships in Hobart and came stone motherless last.
A New Zealand invitee won the tournament but only because no one had thought to bowl pawns underarm to the Kiwis then.

Australian whizkid Ian Rogers, who went on to become a grandmaster finished third, I think.
Look at him now, eh? Probably peeing in bottles all around the world.

Meanwhile, my only chess joy comes from my weekly encounters with Orville accompanied by a glass of port or a stubby or four.

Oh, and I also play against my six-year-old son Jack on alcohol-free days.

I started teaching Jack when he was three, thinking at last I had found someone I could beat.

Jack and I are playing a game by e-mail with a father and son in New Mexico in the United States, but I hope it will be more instructional than competitive for the little ones.

"Orville," I said. "You cannot cancel our weekly chess. I look forward to those encounters. It's real chess. No quarter expected or given. A test of wills and guile. A test of courage. You against me in a battle to the psychological death. It's macho. We have ultimate power over the pieces. Besides, if I don't play, my wife will ask me to mow the lawn instead."

"Yes, but we can't afford the insurance any more," Orville said.

"What insurance! I didn't know we had insurance?" I cried.

"We haven't. But that's the past," Orville said. "You can't be too careful now. Public liability is something will all have to come to grips with."

Sheesh, I had to compromise.

I do not like it but I have agreed never to throw a king across the room in anger again.

And the accompanying drinks have gone too.
The only bottles that come to the chess table now are empty ones.
Orville wants proof I am clean.

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it