Art humor: Mona Lisa's sister, going cheap

Mona Lisa's sister, going cheap

"Is that the copy taker for free under-$100 advertisements in the newspaper?" I asked when a woman came on the phone line.

"Yes it is, sir," the woman said in a calm sing-songy voice. "How can I help you?"

"I want to put in an advertisement for a painting," I said.

"Certainly sir," the woman said cheerfully. "What do you want to say?"

"I don't really know," I said. "I've never done one of these ads before. What do you think I should say?"

"Well, sir, let's see," she said. I could hear a pen clicking on and off. "What kind of painting have you got to sell?"

"It's a green painting," I said.

"Green?" said the woman. "A landscape, is it, sir?"

"No, it looks more like a portrait to me," I said.

"A portrait? And it's green?" said the copy taker, sounding surprised.

"Yes, it's a da Vinci," I said.

"da Vinci? Leonardo da Vinci?" said the woman. "The Italian Renaissance artist who painted the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper? Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure," I said. "It has his signature in the bottom left-hand corner. It's very much like the Mona Lisa but it's green. I suspect it's probably a sister painting."

"Um, you do know this is a free ad line for advertisements offering items for UNDER $100, don't you, sir?" the woman said.

"Of course," I said. "That's why I am calling. It won't cost me anything, right?"

"Well ... yes ... provided it is a legitimate under $100 advertisement, sir. How much did you say you wanted to sell it for?"

"I didn't," I said. "Can't you just put in the ad that all reasonable offers will be considered? I don't intend letting it for for peanuts."

"Ah, there's a problem there," the woman said. "One of the stipulations of our free under $100 ads is that there must be a price attached."

"Can't I say '$99 or nearest offer'?" I said.

"Well ... yes," said the woman. "But that normally means the nearest price under $99 not the nearest price to, er, what's the market value of this piece?"

"I dunno," I said. "My wife bought it at a garage sale for $1 but we now have it insured for $140 million. The premiums are killing us though so I thought the best thing would be to sell it and cut our losses."

"I see," said the copy taker. "And you're absolutely sure it is a da Vinci?"

"As sure as I can be," I said. "It's a large green painting. I think it's from his abstract impressionalist period."

"His what?" said the woman.

"His abstract impressionalist period," I repeated.

"Um, sir, I've studied art a bit," the copy taker said. "And I'm pretty sure that Leonardo da Vinci never actually went through an abstract impressionalist stage."

"You're kidding me?" I said.

"No," she said. "He died in 1519 - about 450 years before the abstract impressionalist period took hold."

"That right?" I said. "But wasn't da Vinci ahead of his time?"

"Well ... yes," the woman said. "He certainly did invent a lot of things and help his contemporaries in the field of science, as well as being a brilliant painter and sculptor ... but, well, he never really got into abstract impressionalism."

"Damn," I said. "And I guess he never offered anything for sale at garage sales either?"

"No, sir, I don't think so," said the woman, who sounded nearly as disappointed as I felt.

"I've been duped, haven't I?" I said.

"Yes, I think so, sir," said the copy taker. "But never mind. I'll put '$2 or nearest offer' in the ad. There's a fool born every minute, so you never know. You might even double your money."

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it