Humor: All stressed up, no way to mow

All stressed up, no way to mow

I should have known that you get what you pay for.

I bought a push mower for $5 at our local recycling centre last week.

"Hey," I told my wife Katherine. "Who cares if it does not work too well? It will give me some good aerobic exercise pushing it."

Aerobic exercise is a subject quite near and dear to my heart since I had angioplasty mid-2003.
With two tiny metal stents in place, I am probably healthier than I have been for years.
Modern science played the biggest part in this but I like to think that dietary discipline, healthier living and 30 minutes of reasonably energetic aerobic exercise every day helps.

A doctor told my rehab group months ago that there are four easily accessible types of aerobic exercise: walking, running, cycling and swimming.

"Ah ha, he forget to mention hand-mower pushing," I thought when I spied my new orange push mower at the Canberra tip recycling centre, Revolve, last week. "I bet he feels really silly now."

I have never been entirely comfortable with the noise and air pollution generated by motor mowers.
I did have an electric-powered motor but that was not entirely comfortable with me and, well, after years of personal differences, finally conked out.

It is spring here in Australia and the grass grows quite quickly when it gets a good mixture of rain and sunshine.

So there I was, at the best lawn-mowing weight I have been for years, going for fairly meaningless walks every day and coming home to watch the grass grow.

Revolve is quite a place.

It has lots and lots and lots of junk/treasure (depending on your perspective) and it is dirt cheap.
If I am ever in the market for a second-hand toilet bowl, I will go straight to Revolve.

I flirted with the idea of buying one of the numerous exercise bikes or walking machines on display at Revolve, but decided on the push lawnmower instead.

There were dozens and dozens of pre-loved motor-mowers but I saw only two push mowers.

Katherine liked the look of the silver-coloured one but, seeing as I was the one who most craved the aerobic exercise it would provide, I chose the orange one.

"How do you know it will work?" asked Katherine.

"Trust me," I said. "It will work. Besides, at only $5, who cares? At least, it will give me some good aerobic exercise."

Um, did I say who cares?

Well, I took the push mower for a spin around the yard yesterday and I am not sure it cut one piece of grass on the way.
It turns out I care very much about what passers-by think of the puffing, sweating bloke taking the poor-excuse-for-a-lawnmower for nothing more than a walk around his house.

"Can't you adjust the cutting blades?" Katherine asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe I'll just go back to Revolve and buy one of the exercise bikes."

"For aerobic exercise?" Katherine asked.

"Not just that," I said. "I believe in swings and roundabouts. Maybe I will find one that provides absolutely no aerobic exercise but cuts lawn really well."

Wanted to sell: Lawnmower
All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooo, not with The Daily Soothwayer newspaper.
"Can I take your ad?" a cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline.
"Ah ... yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it