Humor: Whole Lotto shaking going on

Whole Lotto shaking going on

A wise man once told me that it was a lot more satisfying earning a million dollars than winning it in a lottery.

This was not the same wise man, incidentally, who smiled knowingly at me when I bought my winning Tattslotto ticket last week.

In fact, I do not know if he was wise at all.
Granted, he WAS wealthy. He had made his fortune in the publishing industry.
But I cannot fathom how he knew that winning a million dollars on the lottery was not satisfying since he had never actually indulged in buying tickets.

But, regardless of my doubts, I took his advice on board.

I did keep buying tickets regularly but, until I actually won the other week, I was quite prepared, on principle, to decline to collect my winnings.

Some people I know think of the lottery as an investment scheme.
They buy tickets three or four times a week in the hope - no, expectation - that one day they will strike the jackpot.
Not me. I only spend $2.85 on one ticket each week.

I realise this low-gambling-threshold philosophy could backfire.

Every one of my co-workers on a recent night shift banded together in a syndicate for a ticket in a recent Powerball.

The first half of the shift, before the televised draw, was full of suspense for us all.
For them, I expect their minds were filled with questions about how they were going to spend all that money.
For me, my mind could not get past the image of them all filing out the door, happy as Larry, at 9.30pm, leaving poor, penniless, lonesome me to complete the night's work.

Luckily for me and unluckily for them, they only got one number, for which which they got nothing but ridicule.

I was able, however, to console them.

In hindsight, I realise I should have something else rather than "na na na-nah na. Why didn't you just each give me $7.20? At least, one of us would have been happy."

I have become a tad more tactful since my own Tattslotto win.

As soon as the wise, old oriental gentleman smiled at me in the shop, I knew it was a good omen.

Wise, old oriental gentlemen do not smile at you for no good reason.
In fact, I can only think of three valid excuses:
1. You are a kung fu student nicknamed Grasshopper and you have just finally succeeded in snatching the pebbles from his hand.
2. You have just bought the winning lottery ticket - and he knows it.
3. He has just passed wind and is trying to divert attention from himself.

I favoured option two.
Everyone thought I was mad.
But I showed them.

I purposely do not check my numbers each week for the reason I think I would get a greater thrill getting a phone call out of the blue and being told: "Congratulations, Mr Martin, you have won a million dollars in our lottery."

But no one from Tattslotto called that week, which I found quite surprising.

So I traipsed down to the Tattslotto agency, like I do early each week, to buy a ticket for the next weekend draw.
I handed over my card to the woman behind the counter and she ran it through her computer before issuing a new ticket.
The machine played a little tune.
"Congratulations, sir, you've had a little win," the woman announced.

I figure they always say something like that.

Imagine the commotion if she announced to the whole shop: "Hey, dude, you've just one two million dollars!"

Instead, the computer rattled out a small print-out which the woman tore off and handed to me.

I could barely bring myself to look at it.
Beads of perspiration gathered on my forehead.
My heart was racing.
My insides felt knotted.
How much had I won?
One million?
Two million?
Three million?

There were a lot of people behind me in the queue, so I knew I had to hurry up.
I glanced at the print-out and could not believe my eyes.

$12.34!

"Is that it?" I asked the woman, gutted.

"I am afraid so," she said. "$12.35 for three numbers and the supplementary. I can't give it to you though until you bring in last week's ticket."

I turned to leave, no longer elated but a little angry and a tad embarrassed, and forced a smile at the man behind me. He was an old, oriental man.

Gee, I hope he did not think I had wind.

I was actually just thinking about what that first wise man had said to me.

I now knew it was much more satisfying earning $12.35 than winning it.

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it