Humor: Trysting by the pool

Trysting by the pool

Thank you to the outgoing couple who have made me feel better about paying a "spectators" entrance fee to swimming pools.

I paid $2 to get into Manuka pool as a so-called spectator on Valentine's Day and I feel I got my money's worth at last.

I have been peeved for a long time about having to pay a "spectator's" entry fee at various pools in Canberra.

"Who the hell do they they think I go there to spectate upon?" I ranted to my friend Orville. "I do not go to pools to spy on Olympic champions or to see really impressive breasts; I go to pools wholly and solely to watch my seven-year-old son doing really impressive breaststroke and supervise him. Am I wrong to think that if anyone has to pay anyone, the pool should be paying ME to lighten the load on its pool attendants and, consequently, its payroll?

"Maybe they are working on a hunch that while you are there, you will go use their toilet facilities?" Orville, ever the reasoned thinker, said.

"Well, why don't they just come out and say that?" I stormed. "Why don't they just ask: 'And will sir be doing number ones or number twos here today?'"

"That would be crass," Orville said.

"What's crass about it?" I said. "When you want to use use the water slide, you pay extra and they give you a coloured wrist band to put on. Why can't they give you a different colour if you are just visiting but say you are likely to use the toilet again and again and again?"

"Oh please!" said Orville. "Then everyone would know just what you're there for. 'Oh look, that man's wearing a non-swimming toilet band. Ha, ha.'"

"Don't be juvenile, Orville," I said. EVERYONE goes to the toilet. Um, except for the Queen. Besides, I do not think I have been to a pool lately without buying a drink from the kiosk. And I happen to think it's a not fair to charge me a "spectator's" entry fee, take my money at the kiosk, then expect me to wait until I get home to have a pee. In fact, it's grossly unfair."

I have to admit I have changed my mind after Valentine's Day though.

As I said, I paid $2 "spectator's" entry fee to get into Manuka pool and took up a comfortable barbecue spot on the lawns with friends.

We were a stone's throw away from the kiddies pirate ship and volleyball net and I reasonably expected to see aspiring pirates and volleyballers. But my eye fell instead on a white, moving shape on a top balcony across the road. Before long, the rhythmic shape, which looked a lot like a bare-bottomed man, was joined by a pair of feet that came upwards.

Now, I have to admit my eyesight is not the best so I asked my companions to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. And yep, I was. And yep, they were.

I am not a voyeur but I admit I was captivated, as were all our group. It is not every day you see that kind of thing.
I just wished we had been able to hold up cards afterwards. You know: 7, 6, 6, 5, 5 for performance and 8, 9, 6, 7, 5 for artistic merit.

The couple certainly did not hang around when they were done to hear the audience's acclaim.

They scurried inside and closed the curtains, presumably to protect their privacy.

Our group was divided as to whether the cavorting couple knew that could be seen from the pool lawns.

Alas, I could not see their faces from that distance so their identity remains a mystery.

But they know who they are and if they ever read this I say, thank you. I will never again whinge to Orville about having paying a spectator's fee at a pool.

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it