Humor: Poles apart: Santa goes somewhere different

Poles apart: Santa goes somewhere different

Santa Claus could hardly believe his eyes.
He had been looking forward to his vacation in the tropics for so long, it was like a dream.

He stood on the tarmac in his colourful board shorts, T-shirt and floppy hat and surveyed his new surroundings. His mouth was open. He was almost in shock.

"So THIS is a tropical paradise, eh?" said Mrs Christmas, carrying two large suitcases and hanging on to the rope attached to Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Comet, Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Olive. "I thought you said it would be a nice change of scenery?"

Santa had booked the vacation over the phone with one of those travel services.

CONSULTANT: How can I help you sir?

SANTA: I need a holiday.

CONSULTANT: Certainly, sir. Do in have somewhere special in mind?

SANTA: Not really. Somewhere warm though, somewhere I can thaw out and defrost the icicles in my beard. I live at the North Pole, see, and I spend 11 months of the year making toys and then delivering them all around the world. I need a break.

CONSULTANT: I understand. What about somewhere in the South Hemisphere, sir? It's summer down there now.

SANTA: Sounds great. Can you recommend somewhere?

CONSULTANT: What about South Molle Island Resort?

Santa had never heard of it but the consultant read from a brochure and it sounded just perfect.

South Molle Island Resort, Australia's South Pacific paradise, is cradled between the Great Barrier Reef and the Queensland coast in the heart of the spectacular Whitsunday Passage and features 405 hectares of unspoilt National Park rimmed by scenic beaches, bays and inlets. The perfect location to get away from it all, the resort offers a casual and relaxed atmosphere ideal for both families and couples. South Molle Island Resort also offers the opportunity to play a nine-hole golf course on the resort with wonderful views over the Whitsundays and surrounded by National Park, go snorkelling or swimming at one of the many easily accessible bays and inlets or take in one of the many walks in the National Park. You can make your stay as relaxed as you like or action packed full of fun and adventure.

SANTA: That's JUST the kind of place I'm looking for. Can I bring my wife, too? She could use the break.

CONSULTANT: Of course, you can bring your wife.

SANTA; And my reindeers?

CONSULTANT: Your reindeers? Er ... as in Rudolph?

SANTA: Yes ... and Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Comet, Cupid, Blitzen and Olive. I don't go anywhere without my reindeers, especially now they're a bit old and arthritic and in dire need of R and R, too.

CONSULTANT: Ahhh. There might be a slight problem there.

SANTA: What kind of problem?

CONSULTANT: I don't know of too many resorts that take reindeers nowadays.

SANTA: I was warming to South Molle. Does that mean it is out of the question now?

CONSULTANT: Well, don't write it off yet. But I will have to make some calls and get back to you.
I am confident we can place you somewhere; if not South Molle, somewhere very, very similar.

SANTA: Oh, good! I will give you my credit card number. You don't have to call back. Surprise me.

The tickets arrived in the mail some days later.

Santa Claus and his wife, and Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Comet, Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph, and Olive left on a special charter flight the next day.

Santa Claus could hardly believe his eyes as he stepped on to the tarmac and surveyed his surroundings.
He had been looking forward to his holiday in the tropics for so long, it was like a dream. Well, a bad dream now.

He stood there in his colourful board shorts, T-shirt and floppy hat and surveyed his new surroundings. He sucked in freezing cold, cold air though his agape mouth.
He was in shock as he surveyed the ice and snow around him. It could not have been more than minus 11 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 24 Centigrade). It was cold. And white; very white.

"I thought you said we were going to South Molle? said Mrs Christmas, less than impressed. "A tropical paradise in the southern hemisphere indeed?"

"This must be some kind of mistake!" said Santa. "The young lady said that if she could not get us into South Molle, she'd find somewhere very, very similar to it."

Mrs Christmas pointed to a nearby sign.
"Does that explain why THAT says 'South Pole'?" she asked.

©January 9, 2002 John Martin. All Rights Reserved

Resignation letter from Santa
Dear boys and girls,
I know this is very short notice, but I wish to tender my resignation.
This is not a decision I have taken lightly.
But I feel you have given me no alternative.

A letter to Santa
I hope you remember me, Santa?
I used to live in Ronneby Road, Newnham, in Tasmania but I want you to know that I had very little to do with putting that bucket of porridge in a big pot at the bottom of the chimney.
I guess you have dried out now.

Santa Claus contemplates his navel
"Now tell me," said the psychiatrist after settling his patient down on the couch, "How long have you thought you were really Santa Claus?"
"Santa Claus? My name is George!" snapped the man. "What makes you think I think I am Santa Claus?"

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it