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u   Feel free to pinch one of these two graphics for your web site - help spread the word by linking to http://www.equilibriumbooks.com/scorpion.htm     Columns, satire, spoof news and completely made-up stuff: Coming in paper-back in May/June   When humour writer John Martin was a boy, pet shops provided simple pets for simple needs in simple times. But times have changed. "I was in the pet shop the other day and was truly startled with what they had to sell," Martin writes in this collection of stories both small and tall. The stories, which have all on his web site at one stage, range from his twisted accounts from the pet shop, the kitchen and the garden to spoof news pieces to fictional humour and satire lampooning the workplace, sport and politics. Click here to order now or click on the book cover to go to Equilibrium Books   Read some of John Martin's favorite stories bundled together on paper for the first time: Fat men can't jump When the boss gets a sore head What bugs me most about cooking Why I hate surfing at the dump Ripping the top off a six-pack A cry for help from a rugby missionary Letter to the taxi company from a disgruntled passenger Nostalgic return to the soft-cone shuffle When my trick came up a treat How much is that scorpion in the window? Sharks need their personal space too So near and yet so far from Blue Poles United States unveils its solution to global warming The things we give up for love Letter of resignation to the Prime Minister Going cheap: Mona Lisa's sister A message from the sharp end Tour Operator declares war Thou shalt not forget to bring thine P.E. gear One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, one backward step for photo processing To pee or not to pee: that is the real tax question Conjugating the herb to be A daddy confronts the tent commandments When black cats make you feel blue The quick brown chook jumped over the lazy dunny An e-message from God Yo-ho-ho and a bottler of a good read Why I have to cop it sweet at the zoo Hands-on management gets ticked off Boat-people's arrival shocks Canberra Satisfaction e-guaranteed Easter Earthlings and funny bunnies Adventure by flip-flops under the Southern Cross The full drum on fishing and male bonding Coming to drips with Captain Cook Tourists missing on the Nullabor A daddy goes sole searching One good deed deserves, well, not this Lost and found and lost again Ringing endorsments and wronging dribblers The rise and fall of editor Jack Liver Curse of the unhandyman Letter to Noah: We want our Tasmanian Tigers back Village boy becomes king of the castle Displeasures and treasures of a dirty car How to gainfully employ a security guard Santa's resignation Santa Claus contemplates his navel Unfinished Business with my hairdresser The national anthem goes (clothes) line dancing Major B.S. completes Omission Impossible Why Willy's backside is a tattoo-free zone The loneliness of the long-distance eyebrows Special delivery to Pluto People who live in glass houses shouldn't put out recycling bins Living next door to Rembrandt Retiring to the bench A sauce of marital discontent The hard slug of presenting a TV Celebrity Cooking show The downside of autumn Slow down, you mow too fast Bring on the raw carrots, I'm all woggled out Mr Bignoise and the Dirty Dozen meet Big Brother Please vote for me again Aborniginal Awakening Someone always pays in this user-pays world The Magical Mystery Ringing Tone Tour Wanted to sell: Lawnmower   Click here to order the book in advance   * Cover art by ROSEMARIE MacDONALD        Do you have a comment? Feedback form Column name: Your name: Your email: Comments:   Click here and receive new offerings free in your e-mail intray   Search The WebThis Site for Get a Free Search Engine for Your Web Site  Home Unclassifiable Stuff   My  archives   Links My other books