Penis enlargement humor: Can you keep a little secret?

Can you keep a little secret?

I wish they would stop sending my wife e-mail about penis enlargement.

How many times do I have to say this: Katherine does NOT have a penis.

Unless you count mine as belonging to her, of course.

But I would dispute that.

True, we did strike a marital pact to share our belongings but you cannot lump my willy in with our collective CD collections and cooking utensils.

It is mine.
ALL mine.
I was born with it, and, unlike any money I eventually accumulate, I hope to take it with me when I die.
(Well, most of it anyway. Circumcision was all the rage in my town when I was born.)

But do you think the e-mail marketeers give a damn about me and my willy being quite attached to each other?

Nooooooooo.

The e-mail keeps coming.
It is relentless.
Week after week.
Day after day.
Hour after hour.
It is psychological warfare and it is getting me down.

"Enlarge your member;"
"It is a scientific fact that women prefer a bigger penis;"
"Satisfy your woman, pin prick"; and
"We have a 94 per cent success rate."

Um, what about the 6 per cent of cases that are not successful? Do those penises actually get smaller?
Unless you are sleeping with an economic rationalist who truly believes that Less is More, it would be hard to explain how why you have suddenly downsized your willy.

At first, I was the only one in our family to get the enlarge-your-penis e-mails. I just thought someone from my deep, dark past must have dobbed me in.

No big deal though. I was amused at first and filed them away in the recycling bin along with Get Rich Schemes, business proposals out of Africa and other assorted junk e-mail.

But lately Katherine has been receiving them in her e-mail, too. Lots of them.

Every time I open up her e-mail for her, I find titles such as:

"Time to gr0w that schl0ng! "
"Give your partner greater satisfaction;"
"Gain up To 3+ inches in length;"
"Increase your penis width by 20 per cent,"
"Doctor approved and recommended;"
"No pumps! No surgery! No exercises!" and
"100 per cent safe to take, no harmful side effects."

Phew! I am soooooo pleased there are no side effects. You would not want your penis to sprout bits at the side, would you?

But jokes aside, I admit that I am starting to feel the pressure.

It is as if the e-mail marketeers have our computer surrounded and want us to come out with our hands up and my tiddly-widdly, itsy-bitsy teensie-weensie weeny out.

The flood of e-mails, first to me and now to my wife, are wearing me down.
I feel stressed.
A wreck of a man.
Worried.
More than a tad paranoid.
Demoralised.
Deflated.
Devastated
I feel like Mr Floppy waiting to happen.

Hmm. Could it be I am now an ideal target for a Viagra e-mail campaign?

Call me cynical, but is that perhaps what they wanted to really sell all along?

Just send the e-mails to ME, and not my wife, OK
As I said, she has not got a penis.

It can be our little secret.

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it