Humor: Leaping over tall buildings with a single hop

Leaping over tall buildings with a single hop

My eight-year-old son was devastated by the death of Christopher Reeve. "Who is going to play Superman now?" he asked me.

"Well," I said, puffing out my chest. "There have not been any Superman movies recently but when there is one coming up I suspect I will be one of the candidates they will seek out for the role."

"Don't be silly, daddy," Jack said in disgust. "You can't even run!"

Um, this is true. But, at age 46 and a bit flabby around the middle, I pride myself on doing a pretty super waddle.

And besides, I did not know that running was a prerequisite for playing Superman. I thought only flying and leaping tall buildings with a single bound was.

"Don't be silly, daddy," Jack said again. "You can't fly."

Hmm, true again. I even avoid aeroplanes such is my fear of flying. But it's all special effects, you know. Do you think Christopher Reeve was really flying when he caught Lois Lane in mid-air?

Noooooooo. I bet they were both standing very close to the ground near to an electric fan that made it look like Lois had the wind up her and Superman's cape was flapping around a bit.

Besides, I told Jack, somewhere some day someone is going to do a movie about super heroes getting older and when that day arrives I am ready.

Superman first appeared first appeared in Action Comics in June 1938, so in real life he is more than 20 years older than me.

But, hey, that's OK. I am a versatile actor. I can play an aging guy who wears his undies on the outside of his trousers as well as the next silly looking old geeser.

Heck, I have other advantages too. I have no known allergies to Cryptonite. And I wear spectacles - all the time, even when I am reluctantly flying. And I have worked as a newspaper reporter which provides me with the perfect disguise.

"Don't be silly, daddy," Jack said again.

Hmm, maybe he is right. Perhaps I would not be all that believable.

Perhaps I should wait instead to audition for the main role in the next Six Million Dollar Man movie.

Remember Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man?

Um, when was that TV series? The Seventies?

Like they said then, they can rebuild me. They have the technology. They have the capability to make the world's first Bionic man. John Martin, Superman reject, can be that man. Better than I was before. Better . . . stronger . . . faster.

"Yeah, right," Jack said. He has started taking an interest in the finance section of the news each night and knows the value of money and possibly the devalue of inflation over 30-odd years.

For Six Million Dollars, they'd probably be only able to afford to fit me with a bionic leg these days.

The bad news is I would still only waddle.

The good news is I would be able to leap tall buildings with a single hop.

That, at least, would give a chance to play Superman. Well, half a chance anyway.

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it