Parenting humor: It's no picnic for a getaway driver

It's no picnic for a getaway driver

I knew I was in for a big surprise when I volunteered to accompany my son Jack’s playgroup on a teddy bears’ picnic. I did not know I had to push a hot shopping trolley though.

But then, I have not had much experience with teddy bears’ picnics.

Teddy bears have become a way of life for me since Jack was born 23 months and a bit ago. I can think of only a couple of rooms in our house which are bear-free.

I had just one teddy bear - well, a panda actually - as a child. His name was Panda. He had only one eye and a patched-up back wound where a music box was once housed.

Jack has seven bears: Scruffy, James bear, Winnie the Pooh, McGrath bear, Alistair bear, CareFlight bear and Hawes bear. He also has bears on assorted bibs, pyjamas, jumpers, blankets, pillow slips, quilts and wall charts. He has bear books, bear bookends and bear CDs. He is, in short, a New-Age Sensitive Bear lover.

So when my wife Katherine and I received notice from child care that there was to be an excursion, a teddy bears’ picnic at a nearby park, how could we say no? In fact, I volunteered to help.

We set off from the child-care centre at 10.30am. There were 10 toddlers, four grown-ups, 11 teddy bears, lots of honey sandwiches and what turned out to be a stolen shopping trolley pushed by the only adult male in the group: you know who.
I was also the only person not wearing a hat. The other adults were very good about this, and said nothing to me about setting a bad example for the kiddies. I suspect that they thought I compensated for this just a little by being the only grown-up to bring along a teddy. I had borrowed Hawes bear from Jack for the outing.

The shopping trolley carried the 11 teddies, the honey sandwiches, a camera to record the occasion, tissues and spare nappies.

The revelation that the trolley had been "borrowed" from the car park of a local shopping centre was not the thing that worried me most. What really concerned me was that a better choice could have been made: a cart without wonky wheels would have been nice.

The picnic spot was only about 500 metres away, but a toddler caravan moves only as fast as its slowest member. Along the way there are toddler detours of great importance: to jump in puddles, inspect leaves closely and admire buses in the distance. It is hard going.
No sooner had we reached our destination, eaten our honey sandwiches, hugged our respective bears, run around like busy bees for a while than it was time to come home.

This is when the trolley came into its own.
I soon had two tired tiny stowaways lodged between 11 equally exhausted bears.
Luckily, we found another shopping trolley, abandoned in the park, which provided transport for three more weary little bodies.

This journey home was slightly uphill.
I did not complain though. Despite all my huffing and puffing, I just had to grin and, well, bear it.

First published in The Advocate, Burnie

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