dunno
by Australian writer John Martin
Tour operator declares war
Retired British SAS officer Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe has made a bold foray into the adventure vacation market.
He is offering three-week war-zone packages. MORE ..
Adventure by flip-flops under the Southern Cross
The huge nothingness of the Australia's Nullabor Plain seems an unlikely destination for adventure tourists, but try telling that to Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe who arrived in Sydney yesterday after a failed venture in Chechnya.
He is banking on deadly spiders, killer snakes, burning temperatures, lack
of water and day on day of trekking without seeing a trace of civilisation
being bonuses for thrill-seekers, not deterrents. MORE ...
Adventure tourists missing in the Nullabor
Police hold grave fears for the safety of six men and a woman missing in
desert terrain in the Nullabor Plain in south-western Australia.
No word has been heard from the group, which set out more than a week ago on an adventure trek organised by Trojan Horse Tours and led by retired British army major and former mercenary Jeremy Billycock-Smythe. MORE ...
Lost and found and lost again
Seven people almost given up for dead after disappearing in unforgiving
desert in south-western Australia 15 days ago walked into a general store
in the town of Cook yesterday and wondered what all the fuss was about.
"They're searching for a lost adventure tour group," shopkeeper Mrs Dorothy
Matilda told them as two noisy planes flew overhead one after another.
"Probably for their corpses anyway." MORE ...
Major B.S. to lead travel agents in POW rescue mission
On August 22, retired British SAS officer Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe announced that his adventure travel firm was offering guided tank tours to
battlefields around the world, starting with the former Soviet republic of Chechnya.
Unfortunately for the first intake of war-zone tourists, they were all captured and put into a prisoner-of-war camp.
Yesterday, wearing jungle fatigues, camouflage paint and flanked by some of Australia's finest travel agents, Major B.S. announced: "We are going back in to get them." MORE ...
Why Major B.S. wants to dig a tunnel to refugees
Adventure travel operator Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe announced plans yesterday to dig his way into the new refugee camp on the little Pacific
Island of Nauru.
This announcement comes just weeks after the retired British major ("oh do
call me B.S., old boy, everyone does") returned from Chechnya after a mission to rescue 12 tourists who were captured while in his care on a war-zone tour.
His party tunnelled into the wrong prison camp and rescued the wrong 12 people, and brought them back to Sydney, adding to Australia's growing
illegal immigrant problem.
"I do not expect to make the same mistake again," said Major B.S. MORE ...
Major B.S. completes Omission Impossible
Adventure tour supremo Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe promised to get his
chums out of a prisoner of war camp in the former Soviet republic of
Chechnya. Yesterday he delivered.
"Um, there were some minor hitches," he admitted during an emotional press conference.
"But as you can see," he said, looking around at the beaming faces behind
him," we have rescued 12 very happy people." MORE ...
Crocodile Trainee wants to whip executives into shape
Adventure travel operator Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe announced plans today to weather the downturn in the tourist industry by teaching basic
commando skills to executives.
He unveiled the newest arm of his business, Crocodile Trainee.
"We see a number of good reasons for companies to send their executives to us for management training," an upbeat Major B.S. said: MORE ...
Epic voyage plans to put reality back into reality TV
Trojan Horse Tours principal Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe has abandoned his foray into private enterprise and announced his latest adventure travel venture in partnership with a new Reality Television program called Row For Your Lives.
"I am going to lead a party on a very special canoe trip across the vast
Pacific Ocean ," Major B.S., as he likes to be called, said at a press
conference yesterday. MORE ...
Buyer eyes the Pacific Ocean
The former secretary of the Australian Department of Adventure Tourism,
Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe, has denied he is the prime-mover behind a plan to buy the Pacific Ocean.
"I am merely a consultant for the project," he said yesterday. "I'm just
doing what former public servants usually do; they become consultants." MORE ...
Major B.S. pressed into travel tourism service
/The accident-prone principal of Trojan Horse Tours, Major Jeremy
Billycock-Smythe, has answered an SOS to head up a new Australian
Department of Travel Tourism.
In doing so, he has abandoned plans to lead a novice crew of paying
customers in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race at the end of the year. MORE ..
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Adventure tourists head for the high seas
Less than a month after getting lost in the Nullabor desert for more than
two weeks, adventure tourism leader Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe (British, retired) is back with a new, wetter venture.
"I want to lead a novice crew in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race," he told
stunned political journalists in Canberra yesterday. MORE ...
How Major B.S. plans to get Australians back in the air
Adventure travel operator Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe announced yesterday he was returning to his core business, with plans to build a terrorist-unfriendly cable-car network around Australia.
"THAT'S not adventure travel!" a journalist moaned loudly at Major B.S's press conference.
"Oh, my dear, dear boy," Major B.S. shot back, rolling his eyes. "Tell that
to the passengers when their cable-car breaks down on a cold and windy
night over Bass Strait. I think you will find that they will certainly class it as travel AND adventure. High adventure." MORE ...
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