Humor: Getting the Big A over the Big O

Getting the Big A
over the Big O

Psst, a chap offered to sell me a pair of Roy Orbison's glasses the other day.

I opened an email to find:

Hello - I am a radio personality and concert promoter. I was given a pair of Roy Orbison's glasses in 1982 by Orbison himself, during a concert I produced with him in Atlantic City. He took them off his right off his face and handed them to me because he knew I always liked them and he had several pair. I want $4500.00 for them. Let me know if there is interest.
Sincerely, xxxx xxxx

I liked Orbison's work.
I have one of his albums here somewhere.

Texan Orbison ((1936-1988) was one of the great singers and songwriters of rock'n'roll, with a string of memorable numbers such as Only the Lonely (1960), Blue Angel (1960), Running Scared (1961), Blue Bayou (1963), It's Over (1964), and Oh, Pretty Woman (1964).
Other major performers, such as Linda Ronstadt and Van Halen, covered his work.
He also released an album in 1988, The Traveling Wilburys, Volume One, with his friends Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Tom Petty and Jeff Lynne, which was in the top ten at the time of his death.

Orbison was short, pale and shy, and appeared on stage wearing black clothes, slicked back dyed black hair, and dark glasses.

No matter.
A lot of my friends are exactly the same way, except they lack powerful voices.

I was very interested in the e-mail and dashed one back.

How do I know they are authentic?

He replied promptly:

I have been in the business for over 23 years! If you came here you'd be satisfied. I have no letter of authenticity simply because back then I wasn't looking to try to sell the glasses. The only reason now is personal, but I'm sure Roy's wife would verify it once she saw the glasses. Bottom line - if you want the real thing, I have it. You can call me if you wish at x-xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Sounded promising. I sent another e-mail:

If I wear them, will they improve my singing?

His reply:

No, but you'll look authentic. Take care, xxxx. Obviously you are not interested.

What made him think that?

I had some other questions I wanted to ask:

The asking price of $4500.00? Is that Singapore dollars or New Zealand dollars?
Would I be able to claim for the glasses from my medical insurance?
My current optometrist offers scratch-proof glass. Are these Roy Orbision glasses scratch proof?
Will dark glasses affect my performance at work? It's all very well looking like the Big O but I do not want to bump into lots of computers or other people when I'm Working for the Man.
Would you consider a swap? I know that my old Roy Orbison album is around here somewhere. He did not give it to me personally but I am pretty sure he got a commission when I bought it.
Do you think my wife would be able to verify the authenticity of my glasses 20 years from now? I guess Orbison's have a distinctive birthmark.
Do you have any sunglasses worn by any other famous people? I am thinking about starting up a collection.

©April 22, 2002 John Martin. All Rights Reserved

NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it