Humor - John Martin's 10 THINGS: A MESSAGE ON THE FRIDGE FROM SILLY MID-AGE

Yes, I have form

Letter on the fridge to my homecoming wife
Dear Katherine,
Welcome home. I have left you some cold, green soup in the fridge. Actually, it is the same soup you left for me when you left a week ago, though I suspect it is even greener and nicer now. MORE ...

A glove letter to my homecoming wife, stuck to the fridge
Welcome back Katherine,
You will be happy to know that while you were away, I used my time productively to make a very nice stubby glove.You don't know what a stubby glove is, do you Katherine? Neither did I until I saw an advertisement on television during the second day of the Ashes cricket Test between Australia and England. MORE...

Merry Fishmas, a note to my wife stuck on the fridge
Dear Katherine,
Welcome back from your two-week business trip. I bet you got a great big surprise when you arrived home and found that lovely pink plastic Christmas tree in the lounge. MORE ...

A MESSAGE ON THE FRIDGE FROM SILLY MID-AGE

Katherine, there are some times I wonder what life was like before there were refrigerators. Where did couples leave messages for each other?
Leaving a message on the front of the meat safe wouldn't have had the same jeune esso quiore. That's French, by the way. I think it means: there's no bloody room on the front of a meat safe to hang a message.
I know it's not good form to leave a message on the fridge for one's wife when she's been away on a two-week-long business trip.
But I thought it was only fair to explain to you why I wasn't able to be at the airport to pick you up.
If you are reading this list, I assume you did somehow make it home from the airport. If it was a taxi, I hope it didn't cost too much. If it was a bus, I hope it didn't take too long. If you walked, how did you manage all those suitcases.
I might be needing them, you see. I know the chance is very slight but there is a chance nevertheless I might get called up for the Australian cricket team to play against England in the first Ashes Test in Brisbane.
That's why I couldn't get to the airport. I was busy studying my potential opponents on the big screen at the club. They've been playing in India and it's good to see them right up close.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking there's no chance at all that the Australian selectors will call up an out-of-condition 48 year old from Canberra. But don't underestimate the element of surprise. If you are surprised, imagine how the Poms will be.
In any case, I will have a further case to study the England players during the Prime Minister's XI at Manuka Oval next Friday.
If I don't see you until then because I have to do more training, I'll see you at the game. We have grandstand tickets right next to each other. Between overs, you might want to tell me about your trip.

November 3, 2006
©John Martin. All Rights Reserved

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NB: I called this site Dunno because I kept drawing a blank when I had to put a name to it

Katherine, there are some times I wonder what life was like before there were refrigerators. Where did couples leave messages for each other?

Leaving a message on the front of the meat safe wouldn't have had the same jeune esso quiore. That's French, by the way. I think it means: there's no bloody room on the front of a meat safe to hang a message.

I know it's not good form to leave a message on the fridge for one's wife when she's been away on a two-week-long business trip.

But I thought it was only fair to explain to you why I wasn't able to be at the airport to pick you up.

If you are reading this list, I assume you did somehow make it home from the airport. If it was a taxi, I hope it didn't cost too much. If it was a bus, I hope it didn't take too long. If you walked, how did you manage all those suitcases.

I might be needing them, you see. I know the chance is very slight but there is a chance nevertheless I might get called up for the Australian cricket team to play against England in the first Ashes Test in Brisbane.

That's why I couldn't get to the airport. I was busy studying my potential opponents on the big screen at the club. They've been playing in India and it's good to see them right up close.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking there's no chance at all that the Australian selectors will call up an out-of-condition 48 year old from Canberra. But don't underestimate the element of surprise. If you are surprised, imagine how the Poms will be.

In any case, I will have a further case to study the England players during the Prime Minister's XI at Manuka Oval next Friday.

If I don't see you until then because I have to do more training, I'll see you at the game. We have grandstand tickets right next to each other. Between overs, you might want to tell me about your trip.

WANT TO READ MORE '10 THINGS'? CHECK OUT THE ARCHIVE BY CLICKING HERE